love, let's put this love on hold for now.
we both know it.
that we've got so many things to do, so many things that needed to be done, and so many things we want to do.
and right now we are no longer each others priority.
school is for me, just like work is for you.
given time, maybe we'll come back stronger.
but maybe those feelings may fate.
so love, let's put this love on hold for now.
"because if its real, we'll make it through."
you were right, when you said uni will be an eye-opener.
it showed me the hobbes' dog-eat-dog world, and it also showed me the goodness in people, their willingness to guide along the way, even if i dont mean a thing to them.
you were right, when you said i was too young.
and you were right, when you said we both needed time.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

i dont believe in forever.
i never did actually. i still rmb asking probably my mum or my teacher what happen after fairytales end. won't the bad guy still come and steal the princess? dont they ever fight? won't some other witch try and separate them again?
i can tell you a thousand and one reason why i dont believe, but the truth is, i only need one reason to believe, one guy to trust and prove to me that forever can exist.
and i'm still waiting.

i wonder if you dream of someone, is it because you think of the someone too frequently, or is it because both of you think of each other as frequently.
i dreamt that you gave me the answer to my burning question, the why-me-but-not-other-girl(s) question? why did you single me out of the oh-so-many people and chose me?

i couldnt remember anything except the fact that you didnt answer the question with words, but rather with those eyes that could make my heart melt.
the strange thing is in my dream i understood you perfectly well.
and we even had a laugh together after that.

but when i woke, nothing made sense. just like how this romance is so unexplainable, yet so undeniable.

you just revived my disheartened heart.
i dont know if i have enough of drama to want a boring kind of life. maybe not.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

:) and :/
its a contradiction between happy and uncertain.

i'm happy because i'm taking classes about things that i like, things that i'm interested and wants to learn. i'm happy about new friendships and still maintaining a pretty tight one with old friends. i'm happy that vacation is coming even if that means mugging hell is ongoing.
but yet, i'm uncertain. uncertain about the future, about my grades, about where me and loverboy are going, about so many things.
so. the next best thing is to keep calm, keep the faith and keep going.
that's the plan for now.


boy,
i wonder if you know that we're all living on borrowed time.
that applies to our relation and our pacts.
you always say that there will be a next time, that we still have got time.
but really do we? how much time do we have left?
you know i really never leave you, not in thoughts.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. twinkle in those eyes.
02. skinny ties and blazer. very charming how come singapore guys dont dress up enough??? :(
03. good ambience plus good music with the one.

you don't let me forget you, do you?
secret places, intimate moments, and those firsts.
when i said you're always the one, i meant it.

adventure day with you is really an eye-opener
becasue with other people it will probably never involve happy place, same old place, knowing how glass is made, painting art art, improvisation, and a whole lot of insanity
"i'm addicted to you, dont you know that you're toxic?"

one of the (bad) thing about us is our (over)confidence in the future
we talk about the future like we'll be together for a really long time
but what about all the parts in between?
what if forever is not long enough?
i wish i'm over this insecurity phase.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. the word 'LOL". its like you've nothing better to say to me that this must appear.
02. flip flops in class
03. overly played music
04. un-chivalry-ness. really guys gt so much to learn to be a gentleman. and sadly not a lot are anywhere near.

"it was the best jazz music- unpredictable, dangerous yet purely musical"
stantley jordan is really really good. and i could say this to just about any kind of music.

i can assure you that date with loverboy did involve music as loud as those we went to, but it was the kind of music that so good it left everyone in awe. very tight rhythm, perfect syncronisation, beautiful instrument play, addictive idee fixe and an encore. i dont say this enough, but i really do try not to brand music into tasteful and tasteless category, because i know its all about prefernce. but honestly, once you get a taste of the best, not just in jazz or classical, but in trance or any other genre, mediocre standard doesnt seem anywhere near acceptable anymore. and yes i do not settle for the second best option.

i can tell you that date with loverboy did involve alcohol, and nights like that we enjoyed every single bit of each other. we let guards down and bare souls even if noone knows what will happen in the future. but wanting me to put my guards down in front of thousand of people, even though they're unknown and annonymous to me, its impossible. you know me, do you?

it shouldnt came to you as a surprise that i dont bother trying because i really am not interested in trying for one, and for two, i'm stubborn like that.

really, you know bringing me there prematurely is not a good idea. you didnt prove me wrong, but you just showed me that everything i thought was negative wasnt just predjudice or immagination.

reconsider about bringing your future girl there yeah? unless she agrees.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

1.family. they say blood is thicker than water. they're right.

2.Van. someone as music-y as me, yet the total opposite of me.

3. fangs and lims. both of you make jc life so much better and i'm glad we're still meeting up periodically :)

4. bestest. sometimes very irritating, but yet you know about my secrets more than anyone (okay partly because you grill me wayy too many times, now is my turn *evil grin)

5. loverboy. the reason he's number 5 is not because he's least important but i feel unfair that everyone else in the list know me for years and he barely know me for one year and still made it to the list. my only justification is that he did make a major difference in my life. and i do see myself playing this with him for a while more.
“我不管了
我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选着了你也许是错的人
选着包容了你的不安分
请尊重我的选着
我想我 疯了"

its not easy, 'cos i dont trust people, i'm skeptical about people in general
but these people, they're always there, no matter how broken/crazy/depressed/over emotional i am sometimes.
and thats why they matter so much to me.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. giving up (literally) on m.
02. taking chem in jc
03. taking triple science in sec
04. failing g8 once
05. xx
06. xx

okay i dont usually regret doing anything because i know things happen for a reason. its like if i'm not over m then i'll never fall for loverboy. its like if i dont take chem i'll probably not be s08 which is an awesome class.
pt 5 and 6 can be something stupid like i wish i never gave my heart up so easily to m/loverboy but i know that's totally not true. i'll probably say that on impulse, but i know they did make a difference in my life.

i'm starting to lose faith (again)
and its killing me.

'i'm thinking of your sugar lips.'